RIP Bridget

Something I wrote for Bridget...

Thank goodness for the internet! Sometimes you come across a kindred spirit. Who is just a beautiful person inside and out. That you would of never of known with out the invention of this thing called the internet.


I met Bridget just that way a few years ago on a message board. She was funny, bright, and attractive. I don't think Bridget ever really knew this though. A young transitioner always looking to better her looks. She was already to the point of passability with out any surgery.


She was going to college and living a normal every day girl life. We spoke more in chatrooms and we would laugh and goof off. Just have a barrel of laughs. Her personality was sweet, caring, and comedic. A little bit of a rambler that came across as cute. But always looking for advice from other girls to look better. When in my opinion the girls she was asking, couldn't touch her in looks or personality.


I think many girls are like this - I would tell her every time we spoke "Not to go overboard and she already looks great". She would tell me her idol or wanted to like Audrina Partridge. She recently made a consultation appointment with Dr. Zukowski to gain this goal in her life. I was supposed to meet with her while she was here, but my husband and I got busy so I couldn't make it. She was coming back to see Dr. Zukowski again and stay a few weeks she said! Which would of been awesome to of seen her then. I'm so upset I didn't get a chance to actually meet her. If I had of known I would of gone out of my way to meet this lovely angel.


Bridget, would confide in me about personal problems and other things going on in her life. However I never thought it was anything she couldn't handle. She always came off bright and bubbly. So to know that she decided to take her own life is just shocking and upsetting to me. It just proves that there needs to be more outreach between trans-person to trans-person. She was such a young girl with so much promise and life to lead. I thought when I spoke to her. I made her see that, or at least tried to.


Bridget, I sincerely loved you little girl. Rather we met in person or not. I cherished our talks, our times in chat. It's really the only reason I came into the chatroom to converse with you and of course our friend Ed. I will miss you always, and think of you always. I will push myself more to do the radio show to outreach with transsexuals. You told me it was good I was doing this, and you supported and listened to my radio show. How I wish this didn't happen and you were coming back to Chicago so we could have a day of shopping and talking about your plans for the future.


To know Bridget in my opinion - Was a Gift...She was a bright light that made you laugh.


I wish she had of known how wonderful many of us who knew her thought she was.


I wish she had known that she had so many more wonderful years ahead of her and she was only beginning.


Let's Remember Bridget as the beautiful Angel she was, not for the pain she had inside or the loss of her. Let's celebrate her life and what she was so maybe somehow or someway she can finally feel and KNOW how wonderful and beautiful she really was!


I love you Bridget!!

Moments in life........

We all have days that we want this day to end. Whether your heart is breaking, your depressed, sad, hurt...frustrated or overwhelmed....believe me, I understand.

I am human. I am real. I cry. I get sad....I want you to know I go through all the things you do and you are going through!

Last night I definitely washed my heart with tears.  And as I cried, I could feel my heart trying to mend itself....and as more tears fell...and my nose got stuffed up....I felt all of me melt.

Sometimes things in our lives feel so far from perfect. So imperfect, that our hearts long for things to be so right. We may feel like our lives are far away from the “perfect lives” we see on tv or in movies. We may be unhappy with our looks. With decisions we made and wish we could take back. Whatever the case may be.

I’m here to to say: It’s ok, we are real, our feelings are real. That’s what makes us beautiful. Real is beautiful.

I want you to know that if tears have been running down your face....”tears are rain for your heart that just bring out rainbows and flowers in your soul”...Even though you may have tears at night, you can dance and sing in the morning with a new day, filled with new hope....new smiles....new songs of happiness!

It's healthy to cry, argue, scream, and vent. It gets your feelings out and sometimes you just need it to feel release and relief.
When you have a moment:

love yourself- be kind, and tell yourself it’s ok....
rest- sleep restores and refreshes our mind to deal with all the “problems” in our lives
give yourself permission to be imperfect- some of the most amazing people I’ve ever known were ones that had lives that were FAR from perfect
if tears are falling- let them fall, let your mascara get all messed up (ha ha ha)...release all that your heart is full with...
“talk in a can”- talk with can’s....”I can be happy”, “I can get through this”, I can be happy happy no matter how imperfect my life is”. “I can do it!!!!”

I have been in many moments that I thought I couldn’t take much more of...and in all those moments I said, “these things may seem too BIG for me, TOO much to handle, I can’t take anymore!”...
STOP....take a deep breath...say, “I’m ok....I am much stronger than I think. I can go through anything...and just like that broken shattered mirror that shines are sparkled more and more because of all it’s brokeness... we will shine and sparkle more!”

Look and remember who you love and care about. Find things to be grateful for dears. Don't think you are the only one with issues or fight or scream! We all have those moments!! It is nothing to be ashamed of my darlings.
I will be that expert sailor, with all kinds of stories of awful storms I’ve been through...but you know what...just like an old wise sailor....I will be able to go through any storm and steer my little “life” boat though anything because I’ve navigated through some serious “troubled storms in my life!”

So the next time you are feeling down.....know that it’s ok...I’ve been there with you....I was just there last night!  ha ha ha ha

And as my gramma says: “Any day your above ground is a good day!”

Huge love my precious hearts.....I hope you can feel the hug I’m sending to your heart right now!
I feel down a lot at times because of things, but I look around and remember the loved ones I have right now.
How lucky I am to have a husband, a beautiful step-daughter, and friends and fans who support me through all.

I'm sleepy.......
huge love....again