WEIRD!

to me….
weird is a compliment
I’d rather be different and “strangely out of place”
than so “common” that I would blend in
wherever I was…..

we are all sensitive (even big tough guys are usually the most sensitive, they get all offended easily, because they got “hurt”, AKA disrespected), serious, talkative, quiet, calm, excited, happy, then sad, cheery then not….
There have been moments in my life that were sad and if it weren’t for me being raised in a silly, “dancing in the kitchen”, singing, laughing, talking in random accents (my mom was the queen of the british accent…even my Nana would tell us the best stories in accents)…I don’t know if I would’ve made it through some of the crappy moments that I did….My great gramma always said I reminded her of one of her many sisters because I’m always smiling and laughing…my grammy always told me to dance whenever I heard music…and I DO!  It keeps me happy!

I wish more people knew how to have fun and enjoy it!  Not be afraid to be zaney or goofy!

Please spread some laughter and smiles…and be weird and silly for me, if not for you! ha ha ha
Enjoy some silly-weirdsmobile (oldy but goodie) moments with yours truly….K-dizzle

Things I've learned in the last 29 years

Things change. Sometimes for the better, worse or just different. Learning that it's just part of life will save you A LOT of stress and frustration.

Choosing to forgive isn't fun. But it's worth it. (Sometimes you have to forgive to keep a good person in your life)

Stomping on the "Faith" gas is MUCH better than stomping on "Fear" break!

If you have a problem with food, stay out of the kitchen!

I can't always trust my feelings, because I can feel 20 different ways about the same thing in 5 minutes.

I can NOT feel like doing the "right thing" but STILL CHOOSE to do it.

No human has all the answers. Not even mom.

Asparagus makes your pee stink!

We get a lot more CHOICES than we think we do. Choose wisely.

And for my most annoying habit, being anxious...I've clung to happy memories which ALWAYS calms my fidgety head, heart and soul.

I've learned that life's plan is better than my plan. And I want to see what the  plan ends up to be - maybe it's  more than I want my plan.

That's it. All my "smarts" for this life so far. I hope you find a little helpful diamond among the rumble that you can take with you!

That being kind doesn't always pay off, but it makes you feel good!

That love and relationships take a lot of work - a lot of patience - and a lot of compromise!

Huge buckets of love, over flowing, and splashing everywhere,

Kelly

A great read for all women into men or raising a boy into a man :)

 

I have to honestly say that this book is a MUST read for any woman who is married to a man, dating a man, wanting a man or has a little man she is raising of her own!

I’ve read other books on relationships, the different needs of men and women, but by far this little book is a power packed page turner!

Everything in the book is “real” stuff. She interviewed over a thousand guys and then gives you the results of her research…she asks stuff that your man probably won’t answer truthfully, even if you tried to ask. Ex: what exactly happened in their head after that mini skirt walked in front of them…and it’s based on statistics so you get an understanding of what the majority of men thought, and what the few minority had to say.

And I like to use President Reagan's line "trust but verify." So I read a few of the questions and results to my own man, and he agreed her research and conclusions. This alone is astonishing because my man usually doesn't agree with much. And what was surprising to me was how much I DIDN'T know about how men think, after all I've been married to one for 3 years, you'd think I would have picked some clues up by then--nope! But thanks to Mrs. Feldhahn, I'm getting clued in!

I know you’ll be blessed by this book as I have been, and the man (or men) in your life will thank you for “finally getting it” puns totally intended! Ha ha ha!

Happy Reading,

Kelly

When Do You Press The Override Button?

For me, it’s most of the time. My feelings lead me toward a dangerous path more often then not. Just think of the many feelings we have on a daily basis (just a few common ones): anger, contempt, jealousy, lust, rage, anxiety, annoyance, hatred, embarrassment, loneliness, pity, pride, guilt, despair, disappointment. You might think, well those are all the bad feelings…and yes, you are correct. Those are typically the kind that give us the most trouble!

Also, I can feel about 20 different ways about the same thing in a single day. This a clue that my feelings are that reliable. It reminds me of that old saying, “feelings are fickle”
(Def. of Fickle from Dictionary.com: unstable, unsteady, variable, capricious, fitful).

For example, when somone is really sick with bulimia, and they experience any one of these feelings—they send them into a desperate binge and purge cycle. We see this with other people who will say things like, “I need a drink.” They are allowing their feelings to rule their decisions. I have made many poor choices because I thought that my FEELINGS were right, rather than testing them and seeing how they measured up.

When we ARE:

Angry

BE ANGRY, but do not relinquish yourself to all your anger and don't do anything crazy.

So we CAN be angry, but what we DO with it matters. I still get angry, but I tell myself you can handle this and don't take it out on others. You can replace “my saying” with whatever you struggle with.  You can control your emotions if you try.

Lonely

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified to be alone. You must enjoy your own company and love yourself before you can have a healthy relationship with others.

Anxious

We don’t have to hang on to that yucky-ness of anxiety. Talk about it and relinquish it to others who care about you, I’m so thankful I have somewhere to put it rather than wear it around all day and be miserable.

The best news is that we can CHOOSE to still do the right thing, even if it FEELS wrong.

When you are in the heat of the intense FEELINGS, call out to a loved one for their strength to overcome.  Don't be scared to ask for help.

I know this has helped me a lot - asking for help and confiding in people I love!

Big Override Buttons,
Kelly

How To Get Rid of Mosquito Bites!

It's that time of year again!

Rule #1: DON'T SHAVE A MOSQUITO BITE OFF!!!!
This was a total accident....I forgot to  be careful around my mosquito bite!

So here's some DIY Mosquito Bite Soothing Recipes:

(the nasty source....get your proboscis away from me!)

If you have ever been a "blood-buffet" for mosquitos, and didn't realize you had hung your OPEN for breakfast-lunch-dinner sign to all pesky mosquitos, and have some beyond itchy bites, here's some remedies!

HOME REMEDIES FOR MOSQUITO BITES:

(TRY ONE TRY ALL!)

WHAT I USED LAST NIGHT (when I was about to scratch my skin off!)
Mix a little paste of water and Baking Soda. Cover mosquito bite. Then I put a band-aid on top to make sure it didn't come off.
Not only did it stop the itching but it made the redness and swelling go away! No itching yet and it's been all night and I took a shower.

Other All Natural Mosquito Bite Remedies:
(it's at least worth a try!)


SALT-
simply moisten the area and rub salt on bite area
-people say it stops itching immediately-

ONION-
A freshly cut onion, quickly applied to a sting will prevent swelling and redness, and  stop the pain. Onions have anti-microbial properties- even good for blemishes. But it's the same reason why I don't eat raw onions that have been sitting out or at salad bars, anymore. Onions absorb bacteria and odors. People even cut onions and leave them out in rooms where people are sick, to naturally absorb all the virus.

WITCH HAZEL & WATER-
you can try using Witch Hazel instead of water to make the paste with Baking Soda.

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR-
Rub Apple Cider Vinegar directly onto bites.


TEA TREE OIL & ALOE VERA-
mix the two together and cover the bite area. The mixture will soothe bug bites, rashes and help prevent infection.

TOOTHPASTE-
but it only works if you use the right toothpaste...it should be one of the "white" paste looking types (not a clear gel kind). It will help remove the inflammation and itch.
*put a band-aid on top to make sure you don't get toothpaste "crumbs" everywhere.

I'm sure there are many more...but here's just a few to help you not scratch your skin raw and get a little relief from those pesky mosquitos!

the mosquito cafe, Kelly

Changing the way you see yourself...From Hate To Love

I spent many years hating who I was. I looked in the mirror and only saw imperfect, gross, and ugly staring back at me.

Here’s the other edge to the double edge sword of “hating yourself”—which is that you hate everybody else too. This is because you can only give away what you have. All I had was hate for me, and that’s all I had to give away.  I remember having a lot word vomit about a lot of people out of jealousy when younger.  I am so glad I'm over that stage of my life.

So how do you stop hating yourself when you can’t buy a new life, body, eyes, thighs or whatever it is that you hate about yourself? It begins with the inside. Why? Because finding redeeming qualities and personality that stand out can make anyone beautiful.  I've come across a lot of "beautiful people" with really horrible attitudes  and personalities that people just hate.  I have also come across people with beautiful personalities and attitudes about life who aren't attractive that seem to attract people like light to a moth.   But remember this also takes believing in yourself and surrounding yourself with positive people.  As well as accepting you and being the best you can be!


Remember love is blind for a reason. Not some crazy self absorbed thing, but true love is: (I know this is a bible verse (I'm an atheist), but it's still one of my favorite quotes from when I was a child)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

This is the love that you nee to give yourself, and when you do — you are filled on the inside. And with that loving heart and new attitude towards yourself is HOW we are able to show real love to others. Because first we must give love to ourselves, then we may give of it freely to others. Until then you will have superficial relationships with lovers and friends.  You'll be infused with jealousy which will cause you to gossip, hate, and be low and mean to others.

I am hoping for every pair of eyes that reads this. That you will fill yourself with love in every area of your life that has self hate, and that an attitude of gratitude wells up on the inside and restoration is done INSIDE so that you can give love on the OUTSIDE!

Find outlets - speak to someone about how you feel whether it be family, friends, or if you believe in God - confide in him.   Realize that these hurt feelings and self hate need to be flushed out!  Surround yourself with positive people and cut out the negative people who make you feel bad about yourself.

Just a tip what I  have done for years.  Everyday after I shower and still naked,  I tell myself I'm beautiful over and over again in the mirror about 20 times.  Then I dance to a few of my favorite songs to lift my spirits.  It has helped a lot.  Find what helps you!
Don't be afraid to confide your deepest feelings into someone you love - they are there to be an ear!  It's okay to hurt - we all do!  GOOD LUCK!

A ten gallon bucket of love,
Kelly

PS: Remember to Speak this out loud until you believe it, “I'm beautiful and deserve to be loved and I love myself!” because it’s the TRUTH!

Emotions!

 

Emotions are our own, not anybody else's! (I imagine this is what our emotions look like, lots of different intensities and shades--I have no scientific evidence ha ha ha!) We all have emotions and I'm sure you are already aware of them. Our emotions are what go bananas when we don't get our "way," think that we have been cheated or short-changed in some way, are hurt, feel lonely, surge with jealousy and basically are how we react to most things in life.

Here's the bombshell. These "emotions" can be harnessed. You don't have to fly off the handle when someone has said something hurtful about or to you. You CAN and also HAVE, the freedom to CHOOSE how you will respond. I spent MANY years, blaming others for how I "had" to respond. I would blame friends who did something hurtful to me--as WHY I had to "get them back" or plot ways to hurt them just as they had done to me. This is a very emotionally based way to live. And it's also very exhausting, depressing, lonely and a scared way to live your life. Believe me, "emotionally" responding to every little thing and allowing your emotions to run wild at any given moment will leave you feeling worse than the meanest person you've ever met!

So what do we do with raging emotions?  How we should respond when we are hurt? Rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed!  I know it may be hard at first but with practice and determination anything is possible.  If anything at least you will be less frequent with your rages! Clothes yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.   You will be so much more happier and so much more productive everyday! We are all FREE to choose how we will respond! Respond with a thankful heart that you are alive and have a chance to do something great for yourself and others! Respond to others with compassion, kindness, love and forgiveness. You will see your relationships will grow stronger and you will grow happier.

So next time you are faced with a jerky person, difficult circumstances or just life not working out as you had planned...stop and think for a minute. Sometimes I have to tell myself, "Kelly, just stop it. Let's put our raging emotions on hold for a minute and ask what response be the best and make me a good person and stronger and realizing being negative never helps anything!?" That's a "tune" changer if I ever heard one! Ha ha ha! It changes my whiney, hurt, mad, "why me" type of emotional response EVERY TIME. And at the end of the day, I'm ALWAYS glad when I choose positivity over negativity!  I feel better, sleep better and enjoy peace rather than being tortured by my own wild emotions. You too can become an emotional wrangler if you give it a true shot! Emotions are part of who we are, but they should never be allowed to run totally wild. I'm done with the days that my emotions ruled me, and I'm learning more everyday how I can better wrangle them into submission! Remember that emotions ALWAYS need some sort of harness to head in the right direction. And the best harness is positivity! Huge love, KELLY

Bridal Make Up or Everyday your choice :)

Are you always a bridesmaid or maybe now the bride?!?
Second in importance to a little box with a ring....is a big box full of wedding make-up (or ANY day) perfection!
the URBAN DECAY Urban Bride "box o' wonders"...
is the perfect gift for a bride or any girl that is single-and-proud and just wants this awesome set!!!

the good you get:
• Razor Sharp Ultra-Definition Finishing Powder to diffuse lines for a flawless airbrushed look.
(I used this on set a few days ago. It's translucent so it goes on everyone from pale to dark skin!)
• Urban Decay’s best-selling original formula Eyeshadow Primer Potion (full-sized)
*Supercurl Curling Mascara to keep her eyes looking fresh. -I love this and have used this.
• Lip Junkie Lipgloss in Midnight Cowboy to give bare and lightly colored lips a sensual, come-hither shine or electrify darker lipcolor with more texture.
• All Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray to ensure her look stays put for 16 incredible hours.
• Marshmallow Sparkling Lickable Body Powder - I guess is more for the honeymoon. But for me, maybe I'll just pour it on top of my ice cream! ha ha

Check this deal out: each thing you get comes out to be only about $7! The whole set is $42...
awesome deal that's the same prices as drugstore make-up!

This is a beautiful deal though for any girl...ring or not!
These gift sets are a great way to save you money and getting more for your buck.

I love make up more than wedding cake....your Kelly

Opportunities!

Have you visited Opportunity lately?

Opportunities come into our life all the time...and sometimes we think they are problems...
but little do we know they are opportunities in disguise!

You have to make the most of opportunities that come your way quickly. Sometimes an opportunity come into our lives, and if we don't act on it...we miss it.

Sometimes we look at our opportunities and think.."OH NO! This looks like a big mess! Like a big pile of poop! Lots of heartbreak, sadness or loss!"...
BUT really, if we'd look closer, be quiet...and not go calling everyone we know to complain about it....in that stillness you will see the opportunity!

Whether your heart feels broken because someone you love has hurt you, left you or cheated on you...
this could actually be a BIG OPPORTUNITY to get out of and away from a BAD relationship....and time to be free to find someone that would never imagine hurting you in ANY way!

Maybe you've lost your job! This is how so many success stories have begun, people had no where to go and nothing to lose but to start a business or finally go after their dream career. When you're at the bottom...sometimes it's the best place because you won't worry about falling on some branches when you're somewhere in the middle...and you will BRAVELY and FEARLESSLY go after something with URGENCY because you have to. If you were making good money at a job, you might take your time and wait too long to start!
Remember: sometimes man says "YOU'RE FIRED!"....but that's right when someone or you can say, "NOW, I can HIRE YOU/MYSELF for something even greater!"

Don't let the LAND of EXCUSES cause you to lose your map to OPPORTUNITY TOWN!

I know of more people who the world considers handicapped...that DO MORE than "capable-bodied" people ever even think of doing!

These so called "handi-capped" people don't let anything, any excuse stop them from anything.
Nick  Vujicic was born without arm and legs and has accomplished more than people who have 2 more arms and legs than he needs to do anything!

Remember you have everything you need and nothing to feel bad about!


And don't worry about the "critics"...from strangers to ones you love come out of the woodwork and offer their "free opinion" about you or your situation.

People who don't dare go after anything in their own lives...have all the free time in the world to offer their opinion, criticism, and discouragement. Don't waste your time listening to them...you have a big, bright future to go after!

People always have bad things to say about someone who's doing something with their life. And it infuriates so called "highly intelligent" or educated people to see someone that isn't as "smart" or educated as they are doing greater things, inventing more amazing inventions, and being successful at anything.

Be an opportunity seeker...hunt for giant "diamonds of opportunity" in what feels like a big pile of poop that just landed in your life!

And remember:
the most beautiful flowers grow out of the most stinky, manure!

Start looking for the diamonds of hope today no matter how awful the package looks that just showed up in your life!

And remember, we are sent opportunities.....we have to take them or the opportunities are going to set sail without us!

Get out your map to OPPORTUNITY TOWN.....huge love and diamond hunting...your friend Kelly

Please feel free to pass this on, post this, share this with anyone that could use a little encouragement right now...and send a little more hope out into the world!

Hormones!

I couldn't live with out my hormones, but boy can they be downers.  Tonight has been one of those days where I have just felt ugly and shitty all day.  No matter how hard I tried to fix myself up, look at myself in the mirror and say I'm beautiful, or have my husbands reassurance and love telling me how beautiful I am.

Sometimes hormones just put you in a mood of despair.  I usually take St. John's Wort to counteract these moods, but I have been forgetting to take them.  I know it upsets hubby to see me like this, he always worries he did or said something wrong that day.  But he didn't, the fact he holds me and tells me how beautiful I am really helps.

But it's like the levels our just fighting you to be sad!  I'm barely ever sad or upset.  I always try to look on the brighter side of life, but lord knows you can't be happy all the damn time.  So I let out a big cry tonight.  Which helped!  Sometimes I look in the mirror and see the ugliest creature known to man.

Sometimes I look at myself and think how could anyone think I'm attractive.  But ladies and gentleman I am here to tell you these are normal feelings.  If there was no sadness we wouldn't know the true power of happiness.

Hormones make us soft and transform us, but they also mess with our levels.  So girls the next time you are feeling way low.  It may not be you necessarily.  It could be your hormones playing an evil joke on you.  I suggest a cry fest, and call a friend or lover to make you laugh.

I thought I'd share this, because I always get the you lead such an awesome life.  You are always so happy.  Yadda, Yadda, Yadda lol

I'm here to tell you..I cry at least every few weeks.  And I feel ugly at least every 3 weeks lol

I love you guys - Kelly

Flawless Skin in 5 Easy Steps!

I get asked all the time:

"how do I get perfect looking skin and foundation that doesn't look cakey or heavy, but dewy, light and natural?"...

get your foundation out and let's get started!

STEP 1 (optional)
apply a PRIMER- your skin will look smoother and your make-up will last longer
either to smooth the skin- minimize pores or fine lines
OR
to control oil and shine
*i love URBAN DECAY COMPLEXION PRIMER POTION in brightening

STEP 2
apply a foundation -all over your face and make sure to blend down onto your neck...you don't want to look like you have a "foundation-beard" ha ha

*I love:

budget-beauty price: L'oreal TruMatch Super Blendable Make-Up
beauty bucks-but worth it: Laura Mercier Silk Creme Foundation

STEP 3
"CONCEAL BABY! CONCEAL!"
apply concealer to all the "hot spots" of redness or dark circles!
1. your eyelids - from lashline to brows
2. around the nostrils (a red nose is only cute on Rudolph!)
3. around the lips (to get red of the red pigment if you're apply a lip color and wants its true color to show)
4. under the eyes in a "triangle shape"
5. BONUS: down the nose and between the eye brows - to make the nose look straighter and brighten the eye and brow area.

* i love:

beauty-bargainista: Revlon Photo Ready Concealer ( i lovvvvve this!)
bang for you beauty bucks: COVER FX  Foundation (i use it as a concealer because it's so heavy)

STEP 4
dust powder on area that get oily
OR
that you're going to put make-up on
the nose
eyelids
chin
forehead
any translucent powder will be fine

STEP 5
THE GLOW, BABY! this is how you get your make-up to look dewy, light and glowy!
HIGHLIGHT CREAM:
i love: Pearl & Shell from MAC
or High Beam from Benefit
budget-beauty trick: use a frosted or shimmery lipstick as a highlight cream!

DAB either a shimmery powder like Silver Dusk Highlight Powder from MAC OR
a shimmery eyeshadow...onto cheekbones and down the center of the noes! 
AND VOILA! PERFECT, NATURAL LOOKING DEWY, GLOWY SKIN THAT JUST MAKES YOUR FACE LOOK LIGHT AND FLAWLESS!
HOPE THIS HELPS :)

LOVE and cakey free foundation - Kelly

Why I'm Not Perfect!

I am so far from perfect...it's funny sometimes!

I've been married 2 times...

I have had to have lots of surgeries to fix me to look better...

and I am no where near the life I had imagined for myself when I was young!

ha ha ha ha

Perfection isn't real...it pretty much doesn't exist, except in how we envision things to be in our mind.

My sister once told me that my imagination is so great...nothing will live up to how great I imagined it!

ha ha ha ha ha

and if you struggle with perfection...like I do...it can be soooo frustrating!

I always worry that I didn't make the perfect decision, buy the perfect "whatever" at the lowest price...

I have realized that the most beautiful things in life are the ones with imperfections...

the most wonderful people are the ones that are far from perfect...

My mother knew that every imperfection and imperfect thing that happens to us...can be the very thing that makes us the most beautiful.

Just like a pearl...it's the little imperfection that gets turned into something beautiful.

I remember someone unkind, commented how I wasn't pretty enough or I was to skinny...and one of my friends told me, "yeah, but if they were so happy with themselves why would they go out of their way to pick on you?!  There is probably jealousy and envy behind those statements."
My life may be far from perfect...things that have happened in my life have looked far from perfect...but each one...has turned into the most perfect, imperfect thing.

I love being imperfect:

•  I love the fact that I'm short (I always wanted to be tall, but if I was tall I'd want to be short)


• I love that my body isn't perfect..and I don't care if I get cellulite...I'm still gonna wear a bathing suit out!


• I love that my life has been more exciting because of how "imperfect" it's been...married two times...porn...etc (ha ha ha)...


• I've never had the perfect life I thought...I had...and that's okay I wouldn't change the life I have now for anything.  The people I have in my life I wouldn't change for anything


• I love that I have a step-daughter!  Rather than adopting one.  She is my little darling!


• I love the fact that no matter how imperfect I am - my husband still loves all of me

• I love that no matter what comes at me that isn't perfect...I know my mom is saying...you life is like a beautiful mosaic of all different colors...and no matter what you keep adding more beauty to it, through all these different little pieces of broken-ness... a one colored perfect piece would be very boring...


• I could keep going but this will turn from a blog to a novel! ha ha ha

If you feel like your life, relationship, family, body, career...
is imperfect....LISTEN TO ME
YOU ARE WONDERFUL...
YOUR LIFE IS EXCITING AND INTERESTING this way...
LET GO OF PERFECTION!!! AND embrace the beauty of imperfectness!
ONCE YOU DO - YOU WILL BE HAPPIER!!

We don't have to worry about our life not being how we want....it's work in progress...and each thing that goes "wrong"..could be the very piece that will guide us to where we're supposed to be!
incredibly imperfect...your friend Kelly!

From start to finish...

No make up to make up - A lot of people wonder what I look like with out make up etc and so I'm baring myself to the world once again!

[gallery]

Proud to be Transsexual

You know how many people make the good and the bad lists.  I am going to do this for the reasons I have always come to the conclusion why I am glad I'm a transsexual.  See if you can come up with your own lists.  There is of course bad reasons, but the good outweighs it for me.  I find many focus too much on the negativity, and like playing the victim card.  I have never been one of those types and don't ever plan on being that way.  Playing the victim only weakens you, and turns people away from you.  There's a point when people just don't feel sorry for you anymore.  It makes them want to turn against you!  Nor does it inspire anyone!!  I'm a transsexual and I get annoyed with those people and the transsexuals who do that crap!

I have never liked pity either.  I hate when people say "Wow, your life must of been so hard", "I'm sorry", "It must be hard being like you", and so on.  Umm NO not really!  GRRR!!

1) I transitioned young (age 12) it was a big decision to make.  It challenged my maturity, self-awareness, confidence, and the people around me.  I am thankful for this experience.  It's made me more thankful for my family who supported me, the friends who stood behind me, challenged me to change people's minds, and gave me a will to be me.

I truly believe if I hadn't of transitioned at the age I did.  I would of been a shell of a person.  Unhappy, mad at the world, and held fear inside my very being.

I also believe if I had been born a genetic female.  I wouldn't have the wisdom, confidence, or backbone I gained from being a transsexual.  I probably would not think outside the box like I do now. I might be one of the people who didn't understand minorities or people who are different.  I may be a brain dead wannabe like so many are today.

2) I'm happy to be different than others. Otherwise I would take this life, my friends, and normalcy for granted. I cherish the normal life I've been able to live.  I cherish the friends I've made, the family who stands beside me and accepts me, and the understanding and wisdom of myself and things around me.  Something I wouldn't of had otherwise.

3) It challenged my confidence giving me a backbone.  A backbone that has pushed me to fight for my community.  Go to high school as a girl, when kids can be the meanest.  My backbone has saved my life and inspired others.

4) It showed me true cruelty, and true kindness.  Something many don't see till they are older.

5) It showed me who my true alliances were and the love of a family.

6) It's given me an understanding of both sexes.

7) It's tested my patience, making me a lot harder to blow a gasket.

8) It's made me work harder for my looks, and be thankful for them when I achieved them. (many take for granted)

9) It's taught me empathy, compassion, and understanding. Something many don't have, nor will they ever have.

10) Last but not least, it's taught me to be thankful for the freedom I have to be me.  We take freedom for granted.

Dreams!

Don't be scared of your dreams or dreaming...
some people are so scared of failure that they never try...
but the only way to make it happen is to TRY!
Not one successful person will say they didn't try sweethearts!

Your dreams are there for a reason...no one else will create or do what you will. It's like if you asked two people to paint a picture of the same tree..each one would do it entirely different. That's the beauty of each one of us being made unique, with fingerprints and "talent-prints"...that only belong to each of us. No one...NOT ONE, other person has your "talent-prints"....your
"dream-prints"!!!

The world needs you to flourish and blossom your dreams...remember...
YOU ARE THE ONLY GARDENER OF YOUR DREAM GARDEN!!
Make SURE to:

Water your garden...
(Discipline yourself and encourage and fill your dream garden with positive thoughts.)

Pull the weeds...
(the negative thoughts from you and everyone else!)

And last but not least Fertilize...

(encourage yourself daily...despite what anyone else tells you! Tell yourself...I am special, no one else has what I've got! The world needs me)

"You are more beautiful than you know...more talented than you think...and more loved than you can imagine!"- Kelly (my words to each one of you!)

You can do it! Be like a speeding train that no one can stop...headed straight for dream town!

AND one last bit of wisdom my mama told me: "Desire without discipline leads no where!"
so discipline yourself to do something about that precious dream of yours, that keeps knocking at your heart!

You put that dream in the suitcases of your heart...it's time to unpack those dreams and show them to the world!!!

This blog was typed with love and so much encouragement for you...please feel all that I filled it with for you!!! Huge love you wonderful, precious dreamers, you!

You can pass this message on to anyone else that has a "dream garden" that could use this little bit of "dream grower"!

Your Friend - Kelly

Let the tears fall!

I was eating lunch today...and even as my friend was making a joke that made me laugh...a  song came on by Bette Midler...and "safely hidden" from my friend on the phone...tears slipped down my face, as I listened to the song ...and I remember being not even in my teen years, and her saying this is our song and whenever you hear it think of your mommy...my heart just hurt. And I wanted to go back to that time again...I remember shopping with my mom that day for school clothes (the first year I lived as a girl age 12)....

Last night, I checked my phone to see a text from my sister about my mom...and
this song...in combination with some other things going on in my life...made tears fall like rain...but hopefully it washed my heart a little...

Something my momma used to say when she was alive...

"Those who sow (work) in tears..shall reap (take in, receive) in joy!"...this was like the biggest hug to my spirit...

We get these thoughts that try to discourage us...break our spirit...steal our joy....

and we MUST...must....be diligent and courageous in our thinking...not letting these pains and hurts of life...try to stop us...and kidnap our joy...

it never fails...as soon as you start working hard for something..going after your dream...trying to quit a bad habit...repairing an emotional wound....
it seems as if a sign that says "please attack me...make this harder than it is"...comes on...and next thing you know your doubting your ability and your strength...

I cried today a lot....and as no one answered their phone to talk with my "lonely" little self...I had no options left but to listen to a cd....I put in a cd of mine....and the voice boomed through the speakers right to my heart....and made me feel hope again..it was like it was saying...
NEVER GIVE UP!!!! Never let your "down" thoughts keep you down....

if you are hurting.....just know every tear is precious....and it is most definitely watering the beautiful flowers of blessings that are just waiting to spring up!!!

huge, huge love from my heart to you......and please feel the hug I'm sending too....I know I could always use an extra "hug though"......

Your Friend, Kelly

You should not be happy!

Every single one of us has been depressed, sad, hurt, hopeless...
Whether you are sad over a relationship, the lack of a relationship, no job, not the job you want, no money, huge bills, you're frustrated with your life, your family... 

You should not be happy!

This probably sounds weird coming from me...who seems eternally happy...so happy, that some people have accused me of being fake! They couldn't figure out how someone could be happy all the time!
And the truth is, I'm not happy all the time.

 

Happiness is based on some thing or event, that MAKES you FEEL happy. (It makes me happy when someone hugs me or says something nice to me....those are my personal examples....)...but JOY is really what I have. Joy is what's in your heart no matter what is going on around you...

I have been through some less than wonderful things in my life, but I have been joyful during these...I've been able to smile, laugh, and be joyfully "happy" during these times... 

Not a lot of people have joy in their hearts...and happiness is too wishy-washy to depend on...
If someone doesn't make us happy, we're sad, if nothing exciting or hopeful happens, we're sad...if someone hurts our feelings, we're sad...but JOY is something that we experience in our hearts...that isn't dependent on outside circumstances...

People ask me, "how are you so happy?"....And I answer my mom gave me/taught me the meaning of joy in my life. If you don't agree with me, that's totally fine....if you do, that's awesome...I just wanted the share the reason that I have joy in my life. Joy is what has always gotten me through everything!

Here's one thing that I heard yesterday, that was so great to let sink into my heart.

Be joyful always; give thanks in all circumstances!


Have the most joyfully day!!! Huge love from my heart to yours, and as my grama used to sign her letters: "JOYFULLY", Kelly

PUT YOUR CART AWAY :P

Live a better life...by doing small things that other people don't...
like putting your shopping cart back....picking up the hanger that fell off as you look for the right size pants....

I was at Forever 21 (a cheap & trendy clothing store)...and I was dropping hangers of pants on the floor...
and me...who worked in a clothing store, many moons ago (at a Victoria's Secret, TJ MAXX)...would hate it when people would knock stuff off, and not even have the decency to pick it up- it was their fault it fell! ha ha ha
So as I picked up all the clothes I dropped...the sales girl was amazed AND appreciative...she said, "oh thank you so much! Nobody picks up anything usually!"...
The little things like this, are what make our character...
even if no one is looking, I put my shopping cart back in the shopping cart "cage"...(and heck, you'll burn a few extra calories! ha ha ha)...

When you go the extra mile with the small things...in life...you'll be amazed at the "big" changes you'll start to notice in life...

after all, it's the little things that matter...and help make the big things amazing!

huge love and remember to put your carts back! ha ha ha ha
Kelly the cart girl

My Resolutions!

 

So a few things that I am changing in my life...I am 28 now..I know that's like 80 in tranny years!  Shut UP!!  But I realize as I get older I need to take better care of my body and start working out... ( I NEVER WORKED OUT - TILL NOW!). I mean I took 12 years of dance and 8 years of gymnastics, but that was more a passion.   It didn't feel like I was working OUT!

I go to the gym now quite regularly, and still feel like a hamster on atreadmill.  BUT I'm doing it! I still do my dance work out, but I have added stairs, treadmill, and the ball to my work out routine! I want to keep my tummy toned and I don't want to be SAGGY..so I know this is my only choice!

Now I was the girl that could eat anything and I mean anything unhealthy!  I loved unhealthy food (still do) but I have also realized I have to change my diet. Then have just ONE cheat day a week! Instead of every day! LMAO!!  I know with age comes that "POT BELLY" and I don't want it! I look at my sister who is 34 and four years ago she was skinny and didn't have a double chin, and now she has a double chin and thicker..(not fat) just has a ("pot belly") and I don't want that to happen to me! So guys I'm changing my diet! I have already started!  I have been doing really well!  My hubby is a health nut so he has been so happy with my choice.  WE get in less petty arguments about food intake!

On top of that I started taking vitamins again!  You don't always get what you need out of food intake, so taking vitamins definitely helps! I'm currently taking Vitamins E, D, C, b12, collagen, St. John's wort, and fish oil and I am already feeling more energetic and healthier!

I'm gonna try my damnedest to try to maintain this to make it a HABIT!

My second resolution is writing in my blog everyday! Which so far I have.. www.secretkelly.com I have even written three blog entries in one day!  I have been lazy and just let it sit there, and got a lot of complaints from fans.  I don't like disappointing my fans, so I am going to change that!

I am going to try to stay positive and productive and HEALTHY with lots of exercise! If you guys would like to join me let me know! Or type your own resolution in below!! And try to stick to it!

Your friend, Kelly

 

P.S. So for snacks I have implemented Jamba Juice into my regimen - I love the Strawberry Swirl! My husband likes the wheat grass he says it's very good for you! He made me drink it with him..let me tell you it tastes how it's supposed to lol! If you ever been outside while someone is mowing their yawn, and the taste gets in your mouth...thats exactly what it tastes like! Absolutely disgusting..NEVER AGAIN! I will stick to smoothies!

A video of him drinking this crap!

http://www.twitvid.com/QQG9U

GET TESTED!!!

Make sure you guys get tested REGULARLY!  To stop the spread of STD's!!  It's the only way we can help control it!  Your Friend, Kelly