Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My Favorite Song & Lyrics at the moment!

I simply adore Delta Goodrem, I never heard this song by her till yesterday when I was scoping out some of her music on youtube. I will post the lyrics and song so you can hear.  I think she is so gorgeous, I want to model my nose and jawline after her. Another great thing about her she doesn't need auto-tune she sounds just like her records if not better live. She is truly an underrated singer here in the states, I hope she conquers here in the US. She is an australia singer and songwriter.

Woman

I worked late but you don't wait up
My bones ache and i'm cleaning the place up
Sometimes i don't even know i care

I sit down take off my make-up
I lay down but you don't wake up
Sometimes i wonder if you know i'm there

I can't remember the last time you
Told me i'm beautiful, and i can't remember
Last time you said anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

Now i hope that you don't wake up
When it's too late to make up
You'll be the one that's alone and that's sad

In time you'll find somebody
The truth is she'll never be me
And that's when you're going to miss what we had

When all i really needed to hear was "you're beautiful"
All i really needed to hear was anything at all

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

I'm not your friend who only needs you sometimes
And if i'm your lady
You got to treat me like...

I'm a woman
A woman with a heart
And i deserve your all
I'm not some girl who don't know what she wants
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
'cause being just your woman is not enough

A woman needs your heart
A woman needs your all
A woman needs your everything
I'm a woman
And i need to be touched
And i need to be loved
And i deserve your everything
I'm a woman
I'm a woman
I'm a woman

The song....







Sampling of her singing LIVE





Tuesday, December 28, 2010

How Could You - Original Work :)

How could you turn your back on me when I screamed your name so loud?
How could you let me fall away from you, did you get too proud?
How could you watch as I died a gruesome death and broke apart?
How could you walk away from me, or were you never really there to start?

How could you be so cruel to me when all I ever tried to do was fit in?
How could you be so hypocritical when I spoke my secrets from deep within?
How could you have said those things and pretended that they were true?
How could you have meant them all-I don't understand what you're trying to do.

How could you pull the floor from beneath me when I just learned to stand?
Please, could you just explain this to me, Because I don't understand..
How could you play this game of pretend and play the part of a friend?
How could you be so thoughtless, how could you want this all to end?

How could you look me in the eye and say the cruelest of words?
How could you say you listened to me when you never really heard?
How could you stick this knife in my chest, then twist it where you wanted it to go?
Please answer me all these questions, I really need to know

How could you have done things things and live with no regret?
How could you not remember what you said, how could you forget?
How could you say you'd do it, and then never really follow through
But really, I just have one question to ask ... I just want to know, How could you??

Strong Enough - Original Poetry....

The things I been through in life,
I have come to realize are apart of me,
like feathers to a bird,
or leaves to a tree.
One part cannot exist without the other
instead of breaking me down,
life's trials have built a strong tower

Strong enough to withstand,
the harshest winds from the coldest lungs
even the fire from those burning eyes.
I am not embarrassed in the least by what I've done
I have come to the conclusion I'm me
and I get better everyday!

A Story About A Girl...original poem I wrote years ago :)

Once there was a couple, happy, who couldn't believe their luck.
Once they went out dancing, and a candled dinner date.
Once early in the morning she surrendered to her fate.
Once he said "I love you" and she had to love him too.
Once they had a future, happy when one and one made two.
Now they are both lonely, now they live alone.
Now he has a cold and empty (tidy) hollow home.
Now she has a fountain, tears where once there was a heart.
Now he has decided that they really have to part.
Now that he has nothing, he feels he is complete.
Now that she can't dance again, her heart weighs down her feet.
Now he thinks about her, all the memories locked away.
Now he tries so hard to forget the happy laughing days.
Is she thinking of him still?
Does she cry still, now and then?
Is she ever going to win back the man she loves again?
Is he glad it's over?
Can he get on with his life?
Is he really so very certain she would have been useless in his life?
Given all the laughter, fun and sunny times they had.
Given all the heartache, lies and times he made her mad.
Given all the tears now, the loneliness and pain.
Given all the risks, would she do it all again?
Can he really say that he won't want her back one day?
Can he really like his life now better in this way?
Can he forget her face, the mess, the giggles and the love?
Can he find someone else to love him more than she could love?
If she really loved him, he said she'd let him go.
If he understood her feelings then he would know that it's not so.
If he were less stubborn, if she could care much less.
If they had never spoken there wouldn't be this sorry mess.
But time has taken prisoners, their lives are now entwined.
But even if they never meet again, the past is not left behind.
But can she start all over?
Just forget him and move on?
But even if she can, will he be glad with what he's won?
Is that really what he wants, to never see her smiling face again?
Will it make him happy, will he live on without pain?
Will he be thinking of her, is he too proud to cry?
Will it wrench his heart in two if he sees her kiss another guy?
And can she forgive his faults, and accept him as he is.
She wants to have him back and say there's nothing to forgive.
He's told her that she's crazy, that he may never want her back.
She's told him that she loves him and though its a risk, she'll live with that.
She wants him to live with patience, to give him time to heal.
The past is not yet over and it's left a scar so real.
We don't choose who we can love, and love doesn't really die.
You can find it in your heart again, I love you, so please try

BE BRAVE - Original Poetry - Dedicated to the LGBT Community

Are you swimming up stream

in oceans of blue

Do you feel like your sinking?

Are you sick of the rain

after all you've been through?

Well I know what you're thinking

When you can't take it

Just believe you can make it

Sometime soon I know you'll see

 

Cause when you're in your darkest hour

And all of the light just fades away

and When you're like a single flower

whose colors have turned to shades of gray

Please hang on and be brave

 

We're taking each step one day at a time

You can't loose your spirit

Let live and let live

Forget and forgive

It's all how you see it

And just remember keep it together

Don't you know you're never alone

 

Realize you're not defeated

And soon you'll be smiling once again

Then you won't have to feel it

You will let it go with the wind

Time passes us by

And know that you're allowed to cry

 

Cause when you're in your darkest hour

And all of the light just fades away

When you're like a single flower whose colors

have turned to shades of gray

Just hang on and be brave

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Family Day & Christmas

So today my hubby and I are spending the day with his daughter and my step-daughter.  We decided to go to her favorite place Magiquest!  It's kind of funny to watch two grown adults playing, but hey what they hell we had fun! We played the quest game and we dueled. I was kicking everyone's butt in the duel till one of the guys showed my hubby how to play DAMN HIM!! lol

If you don't know what Magiquest is, it's very harry potteresque like. You get wands and have to collect different runes. It was my first time getting my own wand today so I had to catch up! My hubby and sweet baby girl both got Master Magi! I will get it next time. I got 9 of the runes in an hour, when they both only got 5 or 6 their first times. I got a pink wand (of course)! I will post pictures. We also got her a dragon - her favorite at the moment.

We ate lunch at the infamous Ed Debevics. It was her first time going. She loved it. Her father was so against it, but he actually liked it in the end. They do a cute dance and treat you rudely on purpose.  Now she is addicted and wants to go all the time. We will see. We will spend the rest of the night playing board games.  I love these times!  Makes me feel so happy to look at my husband smiling and my beautiful step-daughter full of joy as a child is supposed to be.

Christmas we spent with my hubby's family. We went out to eat at a nice Italian restaurant and had the best conversation! Full of love and cheer, as well as understanding!  His mom was so funny, my hubby tried tricking her that the bathroom was in this private party to embarass her. It didn't work lol! The next morning his mom made Eggstrada and french toast and we opened presents! It was the most fun. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

INCLUDED PICTURES FROM MAGIQUEST MY WAND IS THE PINK WAND,  MY HUBBY'S IS THE BROWN ONE, THE STEP-DAUGHTERS IS THE SILVER AND THEN PICTURES OF OUR CHRISTMAS TREE AND DECORATIONS IN THE BEDROOM

 

[gallery]

 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. To all my GLBT remember friends are just as much family. Family are the people who love you no matter what! Who will stand by you through all. Thats what family is! Blood doesn't matter!

 

Sweet Kisses,

Kelly

Sunday, November 21, 2010

For guys wanting private cam shows 1 on 1

I am offering this service via yahoo under the screen name mistresskellyshore

I accept payment via paypal

After the payment is received, you can set up your personal cam show with me via-email.

You can either choose to see me perform alone or with my hubby.

If interested email me @ mistresskellyshore@yahoo.com or mysecretkelly@gmail.com

About my camera - it is an HD webcam it is crystal clear and my mic works very well.

Price Range:

10  - $50.00

15 - $70.00

20 -  $85.00

I hope to talk to you soon!

 

Sweet Kisses,

 

Kelly

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Beauty 101 & Transitioning!

Step 1 (Finding you and weighing the decision) - Accept yourself!  Your opinion of who you are is what matters most!  Find solace and a safe circle in support groups, counseling, and friends and family to find yourself.  You could even utilize forums and chat rooms to help you get started.  Any support can be helpful! Especially in the beginning! Being a transsexual a lot of times takes growth, perseverance, and is definitely a little about selfishness.  It's okay to be selfish sometimes.  You must tell yourself this!  Think about it, the people in your life who don't accept you are usually basing it on their own selfish views of who you are and should be. You have two choices.  You can make everyone else happy or you can make yourself happy!  Life is short and you must lead your life for you!  Don't waste your years.  Living with regret is a horrible feeling.

For the insecure ones!  If whats holding you back is age, height, and others saying you can't...STOP!  I want you to throw that negativity out the window!  Women and men come in all different shapes, sizes, and looks!  If being a woman is just about being beautiful to you, then maybe you should rethink your transition.  Being a woman is so much more than looks!  For the tall girls let me name some tall statuesque women. Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell, Kimora Lee Simmons, and many more! Does their height alter their femininity? I think not! These names should sound familiar to you. Keep in mind hormones can do a lot to diminish harsh lines, muscles, bulkiness, and it beautifies and softens the skin. There are other surgical procedures we will speak of later.

Step 2 - BRAVERY! Stick to your guns. Don't give others a reason to question who you are.  You know who you are and you define who you are. No one else does! Some of you may need counseling to get you on a safe and stable bedding. There is no harm in this. While others are fighters and know exactly what they want and aren't scared to live it.

Remember to always be respectful of other peoples' opinions, but make sure you put your opinion out there as well. After all opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Doesn't mean you need to take it to heart.

When you are ready (Read that phrase again! When you are ready!)  to come out to your family and friends you will need to educate them on the decision, but their approval is not needed! Don't fight them! Debate, but keep it classy. Yelling and showing aggression will not get your point across.

I know it will hurt a lot, especially with some of the things they might say. Keep in mind some of their attitude is their own confusion, anger, and their own selfishness coming out. Stay strong, don't let them control your emotions! Let them know how much it hurts you inside to live a lie every day. Keep to how you feel inside and less about image! They may not understand at first, but eventually one day they will come around! Some wont, but every big decision in life comes with sacrifice.  There are others who will support and love you!  Count on this!

Step 3 (Therapy) - I suggest you always see a counselor first, and really understand what you are feeling. I think many times trans-women are misdiagnosed.  They have body dysphoria disorder, rather than being a transsexual.  A counselor will also be needed to further your transition.  A counselor will also help provide much needed support, help you vent, and help you grow stronger with in!  Believe me, you will need to stay strong for your journey.

As mentioned above you will also utilize a counselor to get on hormones and later to go post-operative. I do not think girls should self-medicate. Plus,  the counselor should also refer you to a electrolysis/laser hair removal technician.  You will normally get a referral rate. I will explain more in the next section.

Step 4 (Hair Removal/Hormones) - Electrolysis and laser hair removal is painful I will not lie to you. If you have pain killers I would suggest to take them before hand!  I would also suggest to do a mixture between laser and electrolysis.  In between your hair removal treatments I would suggest facial peels with laser or even dermabrasion, because hair removal can be very irritating to the skin.  Keep your skin hydrated!  Drink lots of water, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!  I would drink 4 to 5 bottles of water a day.  I personally like Clinique "Dramatically Different Moisturizer" and I like putting straight vitamin E oil on my face and using witch hazel for an astringent.  Alcohol is very drying to the skin, and it makes you look older.  This was suggested to me by my electrolysis and it has done wonders for my skin!

You may also want to utilize vitamins to help your skin!  Vitamins E and C are the most commonly used for skin!  It really does help!

Girls may ask where I would go for hair removal treatment. I live in the Chicago area,  so I would suggest Cassandra for hair removal.  She works with Dr. Miller who is a endocrinologist.  She is very good and understands the need and  cost of transition.  Also keep in mind she is also a trans-woman herself, so you will be treated with dignity and respect.  I will link that info at the end.

As far as hormones, I suggest every girl use a endocrinologist, rather than self-medicating.  A endocrinologist will give you blood tests to give you your hormone count and make sure you are inserting hormones into your body safely for your health.

Many girls over-medicate and ruin their sexual organs.  If any of you plan on going post-operative you will want to keep the sensation in your penis.  Hormones can ruin the nerve endings, and not to mention hormones are hard on the liver.   The more sensation you have in your penis, the better chance you have reaching orgasm post-op.

Using a good endocrinologists will heighten you to your fullest feminine potential, by watching your testosterone level and estrogen level, and giving you the right dosage for your body.  This will be the safest way and  you will achieve great results.

Don't think over-medicating will make the transition process go faster!  It takes five years for hormones to fully work on the body!  I know a lot of girls over-medicate thinking it will make the process faster, but really you are only being harsh to your body.

Pill form you only use a percentage of the hormone, and even shots, you only use a low percentage of the hormone.  I personally think the best route to go is hormone pellets! You use pellets up to a six month period, and it is evenly distributed through out your body.  I would suggest Dr. Odea to all girls, at least for the first year or two. He will do miraculous things for you! I will post his website at the bottom as well!  He is located in California area though.  I think he is worth the trip!

For my Chicago girls, I would suggest Dr. Miller!  I like him a lot. I do not go to Dr. Odea anymore.  I now utilize delestrogen shots and spironolactine with Dr. Miller. I get blood tests regularly with him to make sure my levels are correct. We are working on my own regimen at this time, and you will have your own as well.  Every girl's hormones are different keep in mind.

If girls are going to self medicate I would suggest you go to this page  http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/regimens.html for details on proper dosage. I would also suggest this supplier  for your hormones http://www.inhousepharmacy-europe.com/transgender/transgender.html they are reputable from my understanding. Please girls follow the proper dosages, and don't over-medicate!

Step 5 (Clothes, Cosmetics, Eyebrows, Hair) -  When you are ready to go shopping this will be an exciting time for you.  You will be on your way to becoming the woman you always were!  Remember gender is between the ears.  I would suggest studying styles, looks, and fashions online and in magazines.  I would also take your measurements, and invest in some silicone breast forms (I call them chicken cutlets) till you are developing breast or get implants. You can get those here http://thebreastformstore.com to wear in a bra and they have all different sizes.

Make sure to find clothing that best suits your body and is becoming. Remember your shoulders will probably be larger than your hip proportions.  So your dress size for dresses may vary. You may be petite in the mid-section, but larger on top.

My favorite online store is http://www.greatglam.com the clothes are reliable, cheap, and last. I used to shop at Bebe a lot and other high end fashion brands until I noticed their clothes frayed fast, and would end up falling apart. I like great glam, cheap or not, their clothes last. Whatever your personal preference is dress for you!

Eyebrows are the window to the face as they say.  A perfect eyebrow will really bring femininity to your face!  It's hard finding a good eyebrow specialist.  If I may make a suggestion, I get my done when I go to get my nails done.  Asians in my personal experience do great eyebrows.  Especially compared to when I went to a white girl in a hair salon!  They always seemed to be uneven.  Thinking about it now even annoys me.

Hair will be a necessity. When you are first starting out you will most likely need to wear wigs. Many transsexuals utilize wigs and extensions.  There is no shame in this!  Women do it too!  I would spend the most on your hair!  Lace front/full wigs are the most natural.  I would make sure to invest in a 100 % natural hair wig.  Here is a good website http://www.invisiwig.com you can order offline.

Girls with hair, I personally love gay hair stylist.  They in my opinion always seem to be the best.  Every time I have gone to a female hair stylist I have always ended up disappointed. They turned my hair yellow or brassy or cut it badly.  They are just not good hair stylist in my opinion.

I love Robert in Chicago at Salon 1800 in Oldtown.  He also judges the Miss Continental pageants, and he is a beauty platform artist for Moroccan Oil products.  They are the best products, especially for damaged hair!! Check out their website http://www.morrocanoil.com you wont be sorry! If you are in Chicago for a few days get in touch with him!

Hair extensions can be put in many ways.  I have done the clip-ins and I have done the dreamcatchers. I love both. The clip-ins are much more inexpensive, but it's up to you what you do.  My hair now is all natural, but hair extensions can give you a more sexier and fuller look. Think sex kitten!  You can watch youtube tutorials to help teach you how to put extensions in on your own too. Youtube is really a great source to learn tips on beauty!

Make up is an art. You will learn new looks and styles every day. I would suggest every girl own the Kevyn Aucoin beauty books.  These will really help you on contouring and enhancing your face!  We all have our flaws.  I again would suggest youtube for learning, and I would suggest practice, practice, practice in the mirror.  I personally would practice with cheap make up, so you aren't wasting the expensive. Make-up is expensive when you think about it.

Make up brands I like are Cargo Cosmetics, Dior, Estee Lauder, Smashbox, and Nars.  I am not a fan of MAC foundations, but their eyeshadows and pigments are amazing!  Just have fun and study your craft and face!  If you aren't sure how it looks jump on a webcam or take a picture!

Step 6 (Surgeries optional) - I personally believe FFS (facial feminization surgery) is a natural process of transitioning.  Unless you started really young or got lucky with feminine features.  A man and woman's facial shape is different in many ways!  I think every girl should have at least her nose and adams apple done to achieve a more passable appearance.

Adams apple will normally give you away the fastest.  I think the face should be concentrated on before the breast.  Nobody is going to see you walking down the street nude, but they will see your face. Passing will open up more doors for you to be honest.  It will open up a better chance at jobs, relationships, and acceptance. It will also in the end make you feel more comfortable in your skin.

If you aren't a wealthy executive who is transitioning or have a rich family or benefactor transition is going to be expensive.  Some girls pay by credit, others escort, some model, and many others go the cheapest route and pump their face with silicone to enhance their femininity.  I don't condone silicone pumping in the face, but many do it.  If you are going to do this, make sure you use medical grade silicone, and go to a specialist/doctor who offers it.  Don't go to some crackpot!

I would also suggest webcaming for transition.  It pays well, it's not illegal, and it's safe!  There are numbers of sites that you can model for online.  I personally like streammate, because there is no chargebacks and there is great traffic.

If you are going to go the escort route, be safe girls! Screen your calls and make sure to protect yourself!

You will probably need anywhere between 20 k to 40 k to do your face and breast properly.  Not to mention you will need to save up a few extra grand for living expenses and more, if you don't have anyone to rely on. As I said it is very expensive, but your face is what everyone sees.

Go to the best, google their reviews and history.  I have went to two surgeons who I am dissatisfied with and now going in for more FFS for my third time to fix things.  Don't make my mistake. I am now looking into Dr. Garth Fisher from Extreme Makeover and Dr. Gray for my breast.  There are a number of surgeons who offer FFS and claim to be skilled at it, but they really aren't!

Some doctors I would suggest are Dr. Garth Fisher, Dr. Ousterhout, Dr. Zukowski, Dr. Cheetawaut, Dr. Suporn, and Dr. Mayer are a few. Don't be scared to interview and ask hard hitting questions to your surgeon.  Go with who you believe is the best!

If you are a girl planning on going post op or getting castrated. I would again goto the best doctors for this. Don't mess with your downstairs and go to a hack job.  You will definitely be dissatisfied! It wont be due to the loss of your penis, it will be due to the mess you have downstairs.

Some doctors I can suggest are Dr. Toby Meltzer, Dr. Suporn, Dr. Reed, and Dr. Menard.  I have seen all of these surgeons work in person, and they did reputable jobs.  I used to work in a laser/electrolysis office, so I saw work from every doctor you could imagine.

Dr. Meltzer, will be the most expensive, but his vaginal skills are amazing. Dr. Suporn and Dr. Menard are both out of the country, but great doctors.  Dr. Suporn, does this surgery every day since he is located in Thailand.  He has much practice and gives great results.

I hope this information has been helpful!  If other girls have things to add please leave suggestions and tips in a comment.  This really helps our trans-sisters out. Thanks for reading secretkelly.com

Sweet Kisses,

Kelly

Links to people I mentioned:

Dr. Odea - http://www.odeamedical.com
Dr. Miller - (773) 237-7733

Cassandra hair removal - (773) 919-4247


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Happy Spirit Day!

Wear your purple proud if you are against bullying of gays! Change your facebook/twitter picture to purple, wear purple! Whatever you would like! I am so glad Hilary Clinton is still speaking out for the GLBT! I wish the president would. I am so disappointed in him. He really had you going with his 'change' speech. I expected so much more from him. He still has time. Lets see what he does.

 





Monday, October 18, 2010

Don't you love Halloween?

It's the one time of year where it is okay to let go of your inhibitions and have fun! I also love the scary movie marathons. Some of my favorites are Jason, Halloween, and of course Freddy Krueger. I think Freddy is my favorite, because Robert Englund portrayed the character so well and he was so funny! They recently re-made the move A Nightmare On Elmstreet, and in my opinion it sucked. I am sorry, but Freddy should of been played by Robert Englund. None of the characters in the movie you could really relate to either. Anyways I found the original on youtube enjoy! What is everyone going to be for Halloween or whats your plans? I am not sure about mine! It's my favorite time of year though! Last year I was a Twister board, which I made from the actually game. I cut out the circles and made it into a skirt and then put the twister part across my boobs. It won a contest. It was a little daring and sexy, but fun!  Nightmare On Elmstreet (original)



Hocus Pocus (kids movie but love it)



Monday, October 4, 2010

Eyes?

I don't know what is going on with my eyes lately. I do have a habit of not washing my make-up off! I am hoping this is what is causing the irritation and itchiness. The last few days my eyes have been watering and I can't stop rubbing them. I put eye make-up on and it seems like I smear it all up with the water from my eyes.

Does anyone have any suggestions of what it may be? I thought maybe it was allergies, but not entirely sure that is what it could be. I know this is stupid to write about, but hey I am at a loss of what it could be! I just wish it would stop itching! AHHHHHHH! Okay while I go scratch my eyes out! You guys have a good night!

Sweet Kisses,

Kelly Shore

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Welcome To Secret Kelly!

Dear Fans and Readers,

I have decided to open my own blog to network and stay in contact with my many fans. This is my only true official blog. I know there are several out there, but this is where you will get the official word from me. Where we can interact and you I hope as you read my content will get to know me better and I you!

I will also be using my blog to keep you up to date on my friends updates, my favorite pornstars, my life, beauty and transition tips, and much more! Come along with me into my world! I will be doing interviews as well! This will be your one stop shop on everything me!

Sweet Kisses,

Kelly